THE ROYAL WEDDING

The husband got an invitation to the royal wedding … or so we thought until he read the small print. It was an invitation to buy tat to commemorate the occasion but it sure looked the part. We showed it to some mates and they were gobsmacked until we told them it was an elaborate attempt to get us to buy a coin (no doubt made in China to boot). What a bummer! I was ready to go and spend his arm and leg buying outfits. Oh well, what the hell! Who would want to go to Westminster Abbey and hob nob with the “great and the good”? I just wouldn’t fit in and would be barred from the reception for drinking all the champagne and singing Town Without Pity whilst standing on the wedding cake table.  

It is going to be a great occasion though. A commoner marrying a prince is a fairy tale come true. OK! So Kate Middleton is no Cinderella. She is a rather wealthy young lady. And lady she is.

Kate is beautiful and friendly and the perfect person to be the next Queen of Great Britain and the Commonwealth.

She has not been groomed to live an insular existence far removed from the rest of us peeps. She is one of us peeps. How wonderful.

And you know what? In these dark days of austerity it is time for optimism and love and gathering together to celebrate.

It is awful and crazy that some extremists want to hijack the occasion to make a point. Why do they not accept that we have a monarchy and there are two young people in love who deserve the best wishes of us all?

Who would want to disrupt such a joyous day? Sad peeps that can’t see the wood for the trees that’s who!

Marriage is a bond in anyone’s language or religion. It should be sacred, not exploited.    

It only took Tiger 32 years to say “I Will” and I had to wrench his arm up his back. Wreck the house Ruby was dismantling the CD player and for some strange reason I had tears in my eyes. Tiger nearly went too but I guess that was due to the pain in his elbow and wrist. They call the wife the ball and chain. I had to use a ball and chain to drag mine to the registrar’s office.

With hindsight I don’t know what I was thinking off. Tiger and the Rock take up the entire king size bed and I have had to sleep in Rocky’s little bed at times. They tell me I snore! I am going to record them some night and then they will realise what real snoring sounds like.

Back to the Royal Wedding.

Kate and Will have been living together so they already know each other’s foibles and they are going to tie the knot anyway. Or perhaps they are getting hitched because they like those wee idiosyncrasies that make a relationship more interesting and precious. For all my santering life is never dull with Tiger. I hope Kate and Will enjoy a long and exciting life together.       

If anyone in Ballymoney is thinking of having a street party on the BIG DAY count me in. I love to cook and have big pots. It is an opportunity to have a great day in each other’s company. How bad can that be? I can’t sing sadly but do anyway, but I can dance if that is OK peeps. And my stew is pretty good even if I say so myself.

We need a band on hand. I can feel a PARTY coming on.

All the very best to the happy couple. Cheers m’ dears.